Seven Rules to Being a Marauder
by Priyalizabeth
Summary: Dolores Umbridge sets a reading on Werewolves. How does Harry react? he shows her who she's dealing with of course! Harry Potter: 2nd generation Marauder
1. Chapter 1  The seven rules

**Disclaimer: I own nothing from the Harry Potter world. Because if I did, this bit of fluff would not be on a fan fiction WEBSITE would it?**

"There will be no need to talk. Hee-hee!" Umbridge simpered.

Harry turned around to share an eye roll with his best mate Ron Weasly.

"Eyes to your book Mr. Potter! 15 points from Gryffindor for cheating during class." The Defense Against the Dark Arts professor looked like she had just won a life time of chocolate frogs.

_Cheating on what? _Thought Harry_ All we ever do in this bloody class is read! _But Harry kept his comments to himself. He had long discovered that retaliation just meant long nights of writing in his own blood. Harry settled for glaring at this pathetic excuse for a teacher.

Next to him, his other best friend Hermione gasped. Then she tapped his textbook at the top of the page as if she wanted him to read. Surely she didn't mind if he just glared at Umbridge for the remainder of class? Harry looked down at the title of the chapter he was supposed to be reading. "Werewolves:" the page read, "How to recognize one and the dangers they pose to society."

Harry tensed and balled his fists. His raised his head and glared at Umbridge for the second time in thirty seconds. Harry put on his I'm-so-angry-right-now-I-want-to-stick-you-in-a-room-with-Lockhart-and-a-lot-of-cornish-pixies-glare. Sirius said he got that glare from his mother.

For a moment, Umbridge looked terrified. _How could she not be, with a madman wanting her to drop dead?_ Harry thought darkly. But as quickly as the look fear appeared, it was gone.

"Is there a problem Mr. Potter?" Professor Umbridge inquired sweetly with that freaky toady smile on her face. She was baiting him. She wanted Harry to snap. She had been planning this all day. Harry decided to go Marauder on her butt. He was very grateful for the Marauder-lessons Sirius had given him that summer.

Rule #1:

Be over the top. It makes people feel less intimidated by you.

"Oh no of _course_ not Professor! Why would anything ever be wrong in this wonderful classroom? In fact, I was hoping I could spend more time here! Why, maybe some remedial lessons? Merlin knows I could use the tutoring!"

The entire class was stifling giggles. Even Hermione snorted.

"Y-yes well, I'm sure that could be arranged. I'm frightfully busy though, lots of papers to grade; perhaps a peer tutor? Mrs. Granger? Yes, yes that will do." Umbridge looked quite flustered.

Rule #2

Don't question if something goes your way. It means you're winning.

"Brilliant Professor! But, we'll need some supervision. Maybe... Professor McGonagall? Or wait! Even better! What if we started a peer-tutoring league? Us Gryffindors, we're not so hot at Defense, We could all tutor each other!"

Rule #3

Assemble your allies.

Hermione had caught on by now and said, "Yes! I'll organize it! It'll be brilliant! And I'll even ask some of the Ravenclaws if they want to be tutors! And the other houses can join in!"

Umbridge was looking rather shell-shocked.

Rule #4

Know what the victim wants to hear. And say it.

"And think of the publicity it will get! I can see the headlines now: Hogwarts High Inquisitor starts and supports Peer Tutoring at Hogwarts! Front page news, that is." Harry declared. This was a bit of a lie. This article – if even published – would defiantly be a 3rd or 4th page story. But that was rule #5

Stretch the truth. Occasionally lie upright, but only if absolutely necessary.

Umbridge fell for it. She puffed out her chest and said, "Well, I suppose it is worth a shot." Then proceeded to smile and strut at the front of the classroom.

Now, for Rule #6

Kick 'em when they least expect it.

"But, Professor, I don't think I need to be tutored in this at all. I think Robert Slinkheart is completely wrong and I don't think I need to read this chapter." Harry said with a pleasant smile plastered on his face.

Umbridge's strutting faltered. Her expression morphed to looking incensed. She giggled in a dangerously sweet voice, "Oh yes, Mr. Potter. We all know you have some… tee-hee... _personal_ experience with half-breeds. Hee-hee! Since you claim to already know so much about werewolves, you and the rest of your house shall have a homework essay. Five feet on werewolves and why you believe we need to, hee-hee, destroy the entire species!" The toad-ish smile was back.

Umbridge had shocked the entire class into silence for exactly three seconds. Then, everyone burst into outraged yelling.

"THAT'S RUBBISH!" bellowed Dean Thomas.

"WEREWOLVES ARE PEOPLE TOO!" screamed Pavarti Patil.

"Professor Lupin was the BEST defense teacher we've ever had!" cried Lavender Brown.

"Run back to the sodding Ministry you bloody toad!" shouted someone brave. Harry suspected Ron.

"FIVE FEET!" moaned Neville Longbottom.

Harry turned to Hermione. "Use the Galleons, Once I sit down, send everyone a message: We're writing essays tonight," Harry whispered with a smirk and a wink.

Hermione was amazingly confused but hissed back, "Got it!" and set to work on her coin.

Harry sat and waited for Hermione to finish the spell. As he looked around the room, he couldn't help but smirk. It really was quite comical. Umbridge was purple in the face, yelling for quiet. All of Harry's housemates were screaming profanities and death wishes at Umbridge.

Hermione nudged him. Harry took it as his cue. He stood up, pulled out his chair and used it to climb up onto the desk. Hermione hissed at him "_GET DOWN HARRY!_" But he ignored her.

Because of rule #7

Let them think they've won.

"Oi!" Harry screamed. "EVERYBODY! LISTEN UP!"

Everybody in the classroom turned to look at me. "Professor Umbridge," Harry said, "Please excuse my house's behavior. This essay seems like a reasonable request and I humbly request you forgive my friends' and my misbehavior." Behind my back, Harry pulled out his Galleon because the rest of the class was looking at him like he had sprouted horns. "I also promise to ensure that my housemates complete their essays and have them on your desk by tomorrow morning." He gave Umbridge a little bow and sat down.

Hermione whispered something that Harry could barely hear. Umbridge looked shell-shocked, again.

"V-v-very well. Very well. C-c-l-ass d-dismissed." She stuttered and fled to her office. Only fifteen minutes had passed since the lesson began.

The Gryffindors filed out and once in the hallway, Harry spoke.

"Alright guys, I know I sounded insane back there, but I'll explain everything tonight. 6:00, Room of Requirement. I'll let everyone know. And then, we'll give her hell. For Professor Lupin!"

**A.N. Ok guys, Elizabeth here, had a stroke of inspiration and Remus love! OOTP makes me really mad because Harry is so angry all the time. I decided to give him a little extra Marauder laughter in his day. I made a few edits but not many. I'm ight be persuaded to continue the story…. Much love to all my avid readers! Reviews are life!**


	2. Chapter 2  Winging it

Today had been a good day. After the entertaining Defense class, the Gryffindors had a free period. Our entire class walked up to the Common room together and settled in for a bit of well-earned relaxation. After all, O.W.L.'s were a lot of work.

The entire walk up to Gryffindor tower, the DA kept pestering Harry.

"What are we doing at 6?"

"Why did you tell Umbridge we'd do the essays?"

"Thanks for ending class early, Harry!"

"What would Professor Lupin say about these essays?"

"Are we really gonna give her what she wants?"

There were so many questions! Harry felt like his head would explode! Harry muttered the password to the Fat Lady, and she swung open to admit the fifth years. Harry's classmates kept a rapid stream of questions flowing at him, but he continued to ignore them. Ron, though, seemed to have had enough of the queries.

"Enough!" He bellowed. Hermione, standing next to him winced at his loud tone. "Look people, no more questions. I am sure that Harry has a plan; right Harry?"

Harry froze. He certainly did not have a plan. To be honest, he had been completely winging it in the Defense classroom. He had no idea what he was going to do about the essay problem. He was starting to panic, what the hell had he gotten himself into? He noticed that the common room was staring at him, waiting for an answer. Maybe, winging it would work again.

"Yeah, definitely; just, make sure you all do your homework before tonight. Five feet is a lot of essay." Harry gave a small smirk. The smirk was confident and assuring. Harry felt neither of these emotions. But, Dumbledore's Army trusted their general and got to work on their homework. Harry finished his too quickly and tried to come up with a plan.

It was no use. He needed an idea. He couldn't go to the DA, because then they might cease to trust his judgment. Ron was out of the question because, well, Ron was not very creative. Hermione would only chastise him for "wining it". She liked plans. That just left the teachers.

Harry remembered Professor McGonagall's enmity with Umbridge, and decided she would be his best chance of getting help.

"I'm going to ask McGonagall for help on that spell we learned yesterday, you know, turning animals into pillows?" Harry quickly took his leave before they could follow, forgetting his notes on the spell.

When Harry got to the classroom, he found McGonagall in her office.

"Oh, Harry. Please sit down. What can I do for you?" She asked him suspiciously. Harry didn't blame her. He usually only came in if he was in trouble.

"I was wondering if you knew how to prank Umbridge. The other Gryffindors ad I are writing essays on Werewolves, and I want to tell her what she wants to hear, but not say it."Harry thought that being direct and up front would produce the best results. Plus, he was still winging it.

"Now Harry, you know that I can't disrespect a co-worker like that. Please, go back to your Common room." Despite her negative words, the Professor had a slight smile on her face, as if enjoying a private joke. Perhaps, it was how closely he resembled his father at that moment. Harry got up to leave. As he stood up, a piece of parchment fluttered out of his lap.

"Oh, you must have dropped that Harry, good-bye." Harry picked up his paper and left the office, his head heavy and still trying to come up with a way to stick it to Umbridge.

About halfway up the stairs to the tower Harry realized, he hadn't _brought_ any parchment to McGonagall's office.

**A/N: Alright guys, here's the next chapter! I decided to stretch this story out. Isn't McGonagall great? I think she's great. I wrote this at 12:15 at night so it's a little rough…. Let me know what you think! Should I keep it going? ~Elizabeth**


	3. Chapter 3 The Room of Snark

Harry walked calmly out of the Transfiguration hallway, climbed up two staircases, walked in a circle, backtracked, went down three flights of stairs, then ducked into a secret passageway. This was one of his favorite passages.

After saying the password – JSMP – a portrait of a teenage witch winked and swung open to admit Harry to a dark hallway. Harry then put his hand up to a small screen, where it was scanned until a green light blinked. Suddenly, a section of the wall would swing open admitting Harry into a room with four chairs sitting around a table.

The chairs were low to the ground with plush red seats and backs. The table was also low to the ground and made of cherry. Each chair had a letter engraved on the back. Two P's an M and a W. Harry's favorite chair had a P on the back.

The room, as Harry had discovered worked like the Room of Requirement, but with more personality. Many times, if Harry was too general in his requests, a quill and ink for example, the room would give him a sugar quill and invisible ink. Many items also came with notes. Harry had once asked for hair gel, and the room had provided it with a note attached which read "_Hah! Good luck Goldilocks!"_ Harry really liked this room.

Harry opened McGonagall's note and found only five words written on it: "_Seventh year textbook: page 164"_ He put the note down on the table.

"Got a seventh year transfiguration textbook for me?" Harry asked the ceiling. A note appeared on the table. _What's the magic word?_

"Could you _please_ get me a seventh year transfiguration textbook? Pretty please with a cherry on top oh mighty room of snark?" A book appeared on the table with a note attached. _Now that's more like it._

Harry turned to page 164 and began to read.

**THE HIDDEN WRITING SPELL**

**This spell was designed in 1976 and was submitted anonymously to the Ministry of magic. Although this is not unheard of, it is a very uncommon event. Usually a spellcrafter would want his or her fame to be known to the world. For more on why this person remains anonymous, please see: Fame and Fortune: an exploration of history's greatest warlocks. **

**If performed correctly, the hidden writing spell can be used to send secret messages. A two sets of words a written down. The spell is then performed, fusing the two words in to one. One set of words is shown and can be set to be replaced by the second set of words after a predetermined code word or event.**

**This spell requires an incredible amount of willpower and focus to be cast properly. For this reason, many full-grown witches and wizards have trouble with it.**

**The spell can be used for any length of words, anywhere from sentence to many pages. The spell cannot be tampered with. For example, if the texts are set to change when the parchment comes into contact with a specific person, no one else can read the second set of words. For this reason, the spell is popular among secret organizations and school children. **

The textbook went on to explain about the incantation and necessary wand movements.

Harry decided to master the spell and use it for Umbridge's essay. And then find a way to thank McGonagall. He sat down to work on the spell. "A little help?" he asked the room.

A jar of hair gel appeared on the table.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Wow, it's been a while since I updated…. Sorry. Field Hockey has been really time-consuming. But, I'm going to try and be more regular about updating now that school has calmed down. PS: If you can tell me what the room's password stands for, what the letters on the chairs stand for, why Harry likes the J one, and has a good guess who the portrait is of, I will write a one shot of your choice. But, no slash, sex, or weird creepy stuff. I love you guys!**

**Elizabeth**


	4. Chapter 4 Help

**A/N I know its been far too long since I last updated. I'm not even going to make an excuse. But, I swear on my life that I will finish this story by Monday night. But, only if you guys do something for me. In order to complete the story, I need two essays written. (this is the main reason I didn't want to do it.) If you guys write these essays, the story will be finished my Monday. Here are the prompts:**

**1. Werewolves. They are a danger to society and need to be destroyed immediately. **

**2. Werewolves. They are people who need our help. **

**Please write a 3-5 paragraph essay and email them to me at ellieconway2 gmail. com . If you submit an essay I will read all of your stories and review each one. If I pick your story, I will (of course) give you credit, and write a one-shot of your choice. **

**Also, the winner of last chapter's contest was anonymous, and I could not find out their Identity. So could Morgan please contact me via email or pm? Thank you.**

**Please submit essays for me! I need you guys!**


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